Deer that Type

If, like Farmer Bob and his Cows that Type, the doe who took up residence in our yard this past winter found a typewriter on our property. I think she’d write something like this:

Dearest Gardener Shoshanah,

Thank you for installing a new salad bar last fall.Yours truly, who enjoys my favorite sunny spot, namely, the sunny crest of the hill from which I get a great view of your kitchen, was thoroughly excited at the prospect of fresh and tender plants brought right to my home.I was looking forward to varying my usual diet of invasive vines and other such stuff, which was getting rather tiresome.

So, once you finished tucking these lovelies into the ground and called it a day, satisfied and proud of your work, I went out to browse the offerings. New plants are like sweet tender appetizers. There isn’t much to nibble, but it’s worth trying them all out. Some of them that prove really unpalatable in maturity are still edible enough as little sprouts. So, I thank you for finding such lovely ones. However, in the future, please don’t try to save money by planting those tiny little plants that just have one little smidge of green sticking up. That doesn’t work for me or you. In one bite, the whole thing is gone, and sadly, doesn’t come back. From now on, stick to 1 gallons, or larger would be even better. That way, I get a few days of nibbling before the plant is gone, unless it should happen to be one of those delightful ones that even grow back!

The Achillea, Salvia azurea, and Nepeta you provided were quite good in their tender stage. Salvia caradonna, despite it being a Salvia, I really thought was quite delectable, even in full bloom, or maybe I should say, especially in full bloom. Those flowers were so pretty I had to try them! and then decided the rest was OK too. It’s really not half as bad as i would expect considering the rest of its botanical family. Heliopsis gets a bad reputation too, but I found those beautiful bronzed leaves really quite irresistible. The Hibiscus is really struggling, but I take a nice bite every time it forms some new leaves.This doesn’t help ensure there is more of it to eat, but I just can’t help it.

I really enjoyed those little Hydrangea arborescens plugs, too bad they were just plugs. I know you may have heard they are deer resistant, but they most certainly are not. So thank you. Same goes for Baptisia – delicious little sprouts! I ate all the Myrica Pennsylvania on the hill, cute little plugs, but stayed away from that one in the pot by the house.I thought I’d leave that one for you.Also you kept banging on the windows when I got too close.I’m not scared, I know you don’t mean any harm, but I get the hint.

In the spring, I gave birth to two beautiful little fawns, see pics above. My sweet babies loved that hill and I let them claim it as their space and retreated somewhere in the bush to watch them from a distance.They would laze at the crest in the mornings in the softness of the grass, or in the shade of the Tulip trees, and watch the house children eat breakfast in the kitchen.Entertaining, those two, and wow do these humans eat quickly!I suppose if you only have one stomach, it’s not such a process, but also you can’t eat quite so many leafy items, and that’s a shame.I proudly watched as my babies sought out new foods. Not picky eaters, these two, and adventurous enough to try even the grossest of plants.They are a little more skittish about you humans.They don’t realize you are really quite domesticated and don’t eat the deer in your own backyard.I’d prefer you didn’t eat bovines of any kind, but at least I know you won’t eat me and my young ones.

When you first built that awful fence it didn’t bother me much.Wasn’t anything for me to worry about, but then I realized this was where you meant to keep the good stuff – zucchini, tomatoes, beans, and raspberry bushes.Oh, it’s so hard to look at all that stuff and not get all jumpy, but it doesn’t really look so jumpable.So I am reduced to skirting the perimeter in the hopes of nibbling any raspberry branches that happened to stick out.Any chance you can just let me in there? I promise I’ll leave all your other plants alone! Well, until winter at least.

And really, every time I acquire some new taste, like Lobelia or Geum, not my favorites initially, but I’ve grown fond of them, you would pull them up and put them in that fenced area too. This is just too much! Those two large Rudbeckias the other day, fresh and clean from the nursery, and just so much luscious large ruffly foliage, you only let me eat three quarters of the foliage before you took them away!!

There are a whole bunch of plants at this salad bar that I just plain detest. That Salvia azurea, while just fine as a tender leafy plant, is really vile once it gets to flowering. Flowers are pretty, but who needs them. Lavender, well, that might be my least favorite plant, though Calaminthe, Peonies, Oregano, Thyme and Rosemary are right behind it. How do people eat these herbs? Monarda was worth nibbling at if I was really hungry, but mostly I left it alone. Alliums are really a revolting plant, even in their tenderest stages. Why do you keep planting ornamental grasses? Those are really of no use to me. Coreopsis was good for a little while, but then you stuck it in between all that Lavender, and it wasn’t worth trying to get at it. You did the same with the Gaura, which I did like when it was tender, but now it is really not worth trying to eat. I did really enjoy the new Gauras you just put in, sitting there, unprotected and so green and tender. They are great. Verbena canadensis is quite gross, but sometimes the flowers are really quite refreshing. They are purple and fluffy and I just have to try them. I feel similarly about Dianthus. The leaves are ick, but the flowers are not bad. Don’t get me started on Agastache– yuck! Plant, flowers, whole thing. I leave that well alone.

Your new plant delivery is clearly meant to throw me off. I tried everything anyhow, except for the Lavender and the grasses. I know better. So many things to try!! Caryopteris was not good, so mostly I left that alone. Aronia ‘Ground Hug’ was worth trying. I ate all the new growth. Yes, all of it. Brunnera, I’ve tried that one and generally I don’t like it. Delosperma looks like something I would like, but so far, not as tasty as it looks. Eupatorium coelestinum was worth nibbling on. Not terrible, at least in this tender stage. Felt similarly about the Helianthus, Veronia and Veronica. I don’t love them, but fall is when we can’t afford to be so picky…I may have to acquire some new tastes. Aesclepias, well I ate off the blooms and the seeds, and now my tummy is not thrilled with me. I do remember this one made my Aunt who was maybe too adventurous, quite ill, but so far, I’m still standing. Also, have you noticed how crowded this block has gotten? I think I saw five does last night on the same front yard. There was a buck across the street and someone else’s fawns in the shrubbery. So, don’t look at me like that, it very well could have been one of them!

It’s a new season, and we’ll see how it goes!The Fawns are getting nice and big, and soon enough they will be bringing my grandfawns into this world. They still like their bedroom at the top of the hill and sleep there most nights.The garden there is increasingly unpalatable, but really, anything is worth trying if you just have to reach over from your bed to taste it. Also, there is still a glorious tangle of invasive climbing roses, honeysuckle, and wineberry that grows too fast to ever run out. Yes, I’ve seen you come out there with your loppers and try to make a dent in it, but I’m not worried, it’ll grow faster than anything you or I can do. I eat this stuff all winter, even when there are no leaves and it’s just brown endless twigs and thorns.

Thorns never bothered me anyway.

It also creates a lovely edge of the woods feeling, which is why it’s the perfect place to call home.

What! you’ve covered some of my new favorites with those silly looking little cages!! Why would you do that? You pinned them down too with landscape staples. I don’t have opposable thumbs you know! That said, I’m sure I can get these off somehow! Fine, I won’t eat the whole plant, but I sure will eat any new growth that comes out the sides!

In the meantime, please plant some Roses and some Hostas. I’d like that very much. Or just let me in to your vegetable garden.

Thank you.

Your neighbor,

The Doe at the top of the hill

Plant Selection

Cheat sheet (Phase I): 

Plants that thrived:

Salvia azurea – got browsed quite a bit, but lived to bloom gorgeously 

Monarda – still going, but never bloomed- wondering if the buds all got eaten?

Amsonia – still alive and somewhat well, but did get browsed on occassion

Hellebores, Peonies, Ferns, Allium, Perovskia, Lavender, Calamintha, Oregano, Thyme, Rosemary, Salvia greggi, Agastache – rock stars, more or less untouched.

Gaura- going strong, but does get nibbled on when tender and needs protection at the beginning. 

Verbena canadensis, Dianthus – thriving, but the flowers get nipped more often than is ideal

Ornamental grasses- all look great

Coreopsis – if it’s not the tickseed variety, it needs some form of protection when tender.

“Deer resistant” Plants that ended up hiding behind the fence, or just dead:

Baptisia

Salvia caradonna

Heliopsis

Rudbeckia

Penstemon

Lobelia

Geum

Anemone

Rudbeckia

Hydrangea arborescens

Myrica Pennsylvania (in plug form, it may have done better if it was a 5 gallon plant)